"i was just homaging you"

i have never actually tried tofurkey. everyone i know hates it. they all say it tastes like a giant hot dog with hot-dog flavored stuffing. it can't be pleasant, and it certainly does not look appealing. barf.

speaking of gross foods (mainly hot dogs and things that taste like hot dogs) this weekend was a cultural cafeteria.

but before i say all of that dumb crap, i need to draw your attention to this:
"A super-fun sex toy that plugs into your iPod! The music-activated vibrating bullet stimulates you in time with your favourite music"...for how long have i been talking about the necessity to invent such a thing? the perfect boyfriend? i should have patented the idea while i still had the chance....anyways, my birthday is december 31st, in case you are wondering.....

• thursday was the talib kweli show. a little known caitlin fact is that my absolute FAVORITE type of shows to go to are hip hop shows. the crowds are always so much more fun, genuinely excited and not snobby. diverse. people dance. no scene high school kids. i have never seen a 'fight circle' like at hardcore shows. nobody is too cool, like at dumb rock shows (see: the strokes in central park two summers ago). it is a 100% sick experience. and talib was excellent. really high energy.
  
• friday night a bunch of us headed to the fundraiser party/show for the Rockabetty Bruisers All Women's Roller Derby team.
• 
• so hot right now. one of my dearest friends, butterscotch, is pretty much the MVP of the team. She goes by the name "Butterscotch Cripple", which suits her perfectly.
• the next morning i headed to the met with my roommate who was going for a drawing class she is taking. we met the master of all things antagonistic, joe stramowski. the main exhibit we needed to see was the van gogh drawings. the line/crowds were outrageous, as i expected them to be. i had never been to the met before, and i found it to be overwhelmingly spectacular, but also it also made me a bit claustrophobic. it took us an hour just to figure out how to leave the place! the good thing is that we ran into our friend jodi (she works there), and we got to see more art than we bargained for. i have issues with large museums. i have traveled to the louvre, the vatican, the collesium, the met, etc. all with in the last 2 years and whenever i enter a place of such seriousness, and overwhelming grandeur, i just get silly. especially around iconic art. skins vs. chasibles anyone?
• 
  
• visited Bar on A (B.O.A.) for the first time in like 2.5 years (give or take) with my pal jake saturday night. when i was younger and (gasp) underage, the couple times i went there i always felt like such a kid. they carded both jake and i, so i have no idea how i got in when i was 18. either way, it is still a neat bar and every other song they played was good, which is a lot to say for any bar. good times.
• today was one of my oldest college buddy (brittawnee)'s dance show. she was breathtaking, as always.
  

so tomorrow (monday) i will be heading back to sharon massachusetts for a bit to see the family, NOT eat tofurkey (but also not eat turkey), and work on graduate school applications. i am going to need a beer for this.

.i am nobody's mixed bag

last week i was given the hardest assignment of my college career.

"bring in a song, any song, that you think everyone in the class needs to hear before they die. no pressure." my professor actually said 'no pressure'.

so, in typical caitlin form, i went through my 8,032 songs (to date) on my computer, compiled a list of 40, and listened to that list while i did everything else in my apartment. i even made my poor roommate listen to this list, and my poor friend michael glennon, and anyone else who ventured into this apartment in the last week.
the list of 40 was then narrowed down to 20, and then 10.

the top 10, in case you are curious, are as follows (in no particular order):

• The Cure-Just Like Heaven
• The Beatles- The Long and Winding Road
• Prince-Kiss
• Jackson Browne-These Days
  
• The (International) Noise Conspiracy-Smash it up
• Dead Prez-It's Bigger than Hip Hop
• Raffi-Down By the Bay
• The Flaming Lips-Do You Realize?
• Bjork-All is Full of Love
• The Rolling Stones-Beast of Burden

then the list was narrowed down to 5, and then 3...and i made the cd with these three songs on it:

• The Cure-Just Like Heaven
• Prince-Kiss
• The Flaming Lips-Do You Realize

and i went to school this morning honestly not knowing which song i would choose. it reminded me a lot of tyra banks showing up on the final day of 'america's next top model' and not knowing which hottie she was going to pick (ALWAYS GO WITH THE SHORT HAIRED BRUNETTES, TYRA!).

anyways, to prolong the excitement, i am not going to tell you which song i chose. because really, it doesnt matter. and why doesnt it matter? because these are some of the songs my fellow classmates brought in:

• fantasia barrino (from american idol)-i believe
• christina aguilara-beautiful
• john lennon-imagine
• kelly clarkson- because of you
• despina vandi-happy end
• brandy-almost is not enough (or something like that)

swhat in the fuck? best song? really? i must here it before i die? you sure? kelly clarkson, best of all time? i mean, i love kelly, Since U Been Gone is one of the best pop songs of the last 5 years. but did i need to hear her less fun, more vapid ballad some manipulative jackass wrote for her album...before i die? fuck no.

the worst part is the girl that brought in the fantasia barrino song originally brought in a 2pac song but decided it was too vulgar to play in class. listen, vulgar is the definition of the hate slander running through my head while listening to this pre-pubescent dribble, not the nasty crack-whore references of our dearly departed 2pac.

i would be offended if someone called me a music snob, because i am not. i don't know anything about music. i only ever eumeterated myself with one band (blur) and other than them i have pretty disconcerting taste (chopin, anyone?), so i accept the fact that different people like different things....but still, woah.

as always, i disagree.

(midnite in atlantic city...still in the hotel room)

one of my favorite things about being single (and being young) is participating in whims. it is something i could not stand to compromise again for a very long time. however, that is neither here nor there.



this weekend was a perfect example of that. with less than $20 to my name i headed off to atlantic city with meredith and laura. i only played $10 in the slots and my highest winnings were around $12.88, and then i lost it all. not so bad considering i had 3 or 4 free drinks, and more fun than i would have had somewhere pretentious in NYC. i also got to dance. and i can't put a price on that. i also can't put a price on good, supportive friends.



i got free tickets (i guess they were all free, hofstra just did a really shitty job of advertising, (what is new)) to see bill clinton on thursday.

i would rather not rehash the experience in its entirety. mostly i am fearful about being called out on my lack of knowledge when it comes to politics (although, i am not completley ignorant), i will only compare it to martin luther getting to go see the pope speak (a comparison of bill clinton vs. the pope's sex lives might be a fun afternoon activity, no?) . while luther is trying to do something great and radical on his own, he still feels the need to maybe hear/see the pope, because, well its the pope . of course, if anyone knows anything about martin luther, they know how much he despised catholicism for all its ornaments and hypocrisies and whatnot. and thats pretty much i how felt about seeing bill clinton. i really wanted to like him, i swear. but, i just couldn't. he was so juxtaposed and out of touch and fucking defensive. he really only cared about his legacy. made a few jabs at bush, but really, what is that good for? just because bill clinton said it doesnt mean anything because the man is still president and blah blah blah...

...also, he said a few things about college loan/pell grants and student debt and whatnot and i just kept thinking...this man could fart in a jar and sell it on ebay and it would solve all my problems.



oh, also. not half as sexy as everyone said. and now i am going to talk about sex for a bit, if that is okay.

one of the many things i noticed last night in atlantic city was the general atmosphere of fake sex. nothing there was really sexy, just the pay-per-view porno type of flashiness that is not a turn on. 40 year old women in fishnet tights giving aways free drinks, young men from new jersey and the surrounding area betting $60 on roulette in order to impress the ladies, old couples, older single people in either business suits or tube tops (which, for some reason (and i know this is offensive) i always find the most depressing), and the three of us. all the rejects of capitalism, looking for a quick fix. but i will let you know...when i was down to $3.75 and those five foxy ladies spun into a single row on the 5cent slot machine and i cashed out at $12.90, it was a victory worth comparing to a very good night. if you pick up what i am putting down.



new york magazine just put out this issue:



its relatively hornifying, however, so white! nobody even has glasses! i kept looking for people i know and/or might have met during my on again off again love affair with the 'blue states lose'
(oh, if you troll through here long enough you'll find a photo of my ex and his girlfriend. hah.) aspect of the city. however, new york magazine's cover only gives me a few blonds, a few brunettes, and more than a few complexes.

the feist version of 'inside out' is the meaning of life.

there has to be something extra in 7/11 coffee that makes one so fucking crazy. i am fucking crazy right now, it is out of control. my sweet little roommate is fast asleep, and i am contemplating some sort of dance party. alas, that would be a terrible idea. the thunder and lighting outside is OUTRAGEOUS though, isn't it?

monday evening, after miserable classes and an unproductive afternoon, i went to see murakami read. i was sitting in a row of people that made a 'my so called life' reunion seem boring. it wasn't uncomfortable. it just made me feel old. murakami was so charming and personable, and he read this one story On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning. it was relatively romantic, and sweet to say the least. but men always have the upper hand when in comes to romance in the literary world. i may seem sexist in saying this, but for some reason when they do it it just seems so much more spectacular, and i am a radical feminist. masculinity is such peacockery.


last night (tuesday) meredith and i ventured in to brooklyn to check out three apartments. they were all too far away from williamsburg, and each one as sheisty as the next. in case anyone knows any ins, meredith and i are looking for a two bedroom (railroad is okay) apartment for under $1800 a month. close to williamsburg. i will love you forever.


today i slept until noon when i meant to sleep until ten. i still managed to put in 3 hours at the bookstore. while there i sat at the information booth and read gossip magazines and cosmopolitans. have you ever noticed that every issue of cosmo is the same, just worded differently? this one i was reading had an STD handbook, with all types of STDs imaginable, and graphs and charts, and even discharge color decoders. i am not going to put this down. i think it is very important, especially since everyone now has syphilis and is losing their fucking minds.

much love to my friend michael glennon, who got me a free ticket to see bill clinton tomorrow. i am pretty excited, only because he has met bono. hah. some of you may remember my days as a rampant kerry supporter (visual reminder seen here):
but that was before...the big change of heart.

and on that note, PANDAS GOT MARRIED!

it was only a matter of time before i made a panda reference.

"we stayed drunk for many months (swofford, p.83)".

(Argentina)

"But the violence, which has become one of the most serious challenges to government authority here in nearly 40 years, showed no sign of abating, and Sunday was the first time policemen had been wounded by gunfire in the unrest. More than 3,300 vehicles have been destroyed along with dozens of public buildings and private businesses since the trouble began Oct. 27".
( France )


(here)

there are many reasons why i am anticipating moving to new york city. this weekend was yet another reminder of those reasons. the more and more i can find my way around, and feel comfortable, the more and more it feels like home. jumping on the subway and heading from this friend to that, no money in my pocket, no charge on my phone...its all very romantic really. even though i never eumeterated the place, it still represents some sort of cliched madness that i have yet to understand.

i was in the city for my friend's birthday party. i brought a bunch of hofstra kids and joe came along (as seen above). my old friend shajahan was in the city for the weekend as well, so we met up for the first time in...2 years? so strange.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
tomorrow murakami is reading and i am pretty excited. although i have yet to read any murakami, i feel as though it will only inspire me further and i will sit there in quiet amazement while all the people around me fully grasp what is really going on.

what i really need to do (besides apartment hunt/grad school apps/incompletes/job search/marx readings/general research) is see jarhead. i read the book last year in my war and peace class and it quickly became a favorite.

here is a quote:

"some of you will say to me: You signed the contract, you crying bitch, and you fought in a war because of your signature, nobody held a gun to your head. This is true, but because I signed the contract and fulfilled my obligation to fight one of american's wars, I am entitled to speak, to say, I belong to a fucked situation.
I am entitled to despair over the likelihood of further atrocities. Indolence and cowardice do not drive me---despair drives me. I remade my war one word at a time, a foolish, desperate act. When I despair, I am alone, and I am often alone. In crowded rooms and walking the streets of our cities, I am alone and full of despair, and while sitting and writing, I am alone and full of despair---the same despair that impelled me to write this book, a quiet scream from within a burried coffin. Dead, dead, my scream.
What did I hope to gain? More bombs are coming. Dig your holes with the hands God gave you (Swofford, p.254)".

I have no idea how this movie is going to turn out, i havent heard good things ,but oh well. i am going to see it anyway. at some point. when i have money. which will be never.
if this quote didn't inspire you to see the movie (or better yet, read the book).
maybe this will:

i mean, its no gay cowboy movie, but still.... -p.s. i read the brokeback mountain short story (thank you michael glennon). its pretty heartbreaking, and pretty poorly written.

i have a few more things to say before i retire:
1. dont make fun of my friends and i for drinking sparks. it demands your respect.
2. watch the boondocks cartoon. it will make you very uncomfortable. in that good, "maybe i should think about this stuff more" sort of way.
3. if anyone wants to buy me a ben folds ticket tomorrow (monday) for my birthday (december 31st, hah). i will make you something that you want. whatever it is.
4. whats with the weather?
5. how come nobody told me about this?!

egalitarianism

i took today off to catch my breath. around 12.30am last night i realized that i needed to stop running from here to there, from this person to that, and not slow down, but stop, and have a glass of water. just for a few hours. so i did not do much today, no nothing at all. in about 40 minutes meredith is going to pick me up and we are going to talk about our apartment plans (brooklyn in '06!), as well as life. then, perhaps, i will come home and before colbert report, read some more heart of darkness and email some professionals.

last night i was at a womyn of action meeting and the topic of anti-feminism came up. because i was raised by a self-identified feminist to be a feminist, i have no idea what anti-feminism is, or why other people dig it. is it because it is easier to get boys/girls to like you if you are incapable of standing up for yourself? is it cool to not be allowed to make decisions? i know that sounds harsh, but so does unequal pay for equal work and someone else having control over my decisions/body. for the first time in about a year i heard the term "feminazi" and it almost made me violently hurl. i just can't understand why someone with a vagina, or someone who self-identifies as having a vagina would say something (and this is a direct quote) like: "yeah, i am not really into that whole women's rights thing" WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?! go ahead, oppress me. i love it when you treat me like a slave.

i am not in any way demanding or even asking that all womyn identify themselves as feminists. i am just wishfully thinking (out loud) that womyn would stop putting each other down. hairy legs or no hairy legs. queers and straights. housewives and doctors. certainly there are things we should all be able to agree on, like equal pay (women STILL earn 76cents to the dollar, in case you were wondering), universal health/childcare, and maybe feel safe walking alone at night?

to quote myself (this is an excerpt from the essay i read at Hofstra's Day of Dialogue):

"My friends and I have, on several occasions, found ourselves in a car, listening to some hairy-legged girl sing about lost causes and anti-capitalist strategies. While she belts out what we wish we could say and write as clearly, we gulp down forty ounce beers and plot our next move, all the while questioning our own volitions. The night always seems young, young enough for us at least. And we make sure to make the most of it, whatever that entails. The next day we might find ourselves in delicate circumstances, in petty arguments, still losing the struggle, or even behind bars. We count on our solidarity. And the things we relish in, the things that we of course hardly understand ourselves, are usually the tangible and intangible examples of youth that we can still rely on, pulverized with those naughty, arrogant, absurd adult particles that cause us to cringe when we admit that they exist: Having a job but hating the system. Buying unnecessary shit but hating capitalism. Being frivolous, but paying the utmost attention. Pretending you are being lighthearted, but you take your lightheartedness very seriously."



i am hoping this weekend, filled with joe and girls and jake's birthday, and reading and subways will end this apocalyptic lull i have slumped into.

must.drink.a.smoothie.

what is really frightening...

another halloween come and gone. not that that means anything, but i suppose it is just a nice thing to say. happy birthday mr. joseph patrick reynolds, you are always held so dear.

my halloween consisted of severel things that one might consider scary:

-i started a new class today, globalization with conrad herold. if anyone can make globalization any scarier than it already is, its conrad. with a sense of humor, of course. he provides the tales from the crypt version of globalization.

- i decided that i definitely want to/am going to move to brooklyn in january.

-went to a haunted house with some friends. the really spooky part was the 13 bucks they charged to get in! also, getting chased after by a guy with a chainsaw is never as fun as you hope.

-but the scariest thing for me this halloween is this article: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/10/31/MNG2LFGJFT1.DTL#story

to quote my mother:

Who can tell when the moment that a woman decides to become sexually active will occur? Shouldn't protection be defined as prohibiting unwanted pregnancy (we're ok with prophylactics) and unwanted disease (HIV, STDs) and unwanted suffering (cancer???)

Oi, Caitie, who in this world still thinks that women should suffer for their weaknesses, but men should rally on??? Only the right wing conservative...

and on that note, lights out.